-Glory Glory Man United!-

i ain't really a mad football fan
but i am mad enough to become the Red Devils' fan

and i am ecstatic tonight
for i watched the game

Manchester United-1 (Wayne Rooney)
Manchester City-0

although i celebrate the goal diligently
my eyes turned teary when Ronaldo was being "awarded" red card!

but all in all
we won the game
astounded the spectators

GLORY GLORY MAN UNITED!
GLORY GLORY MAN UNITED!
GLORY GLORY MAN UNITED!

-jiwa kacau-

aku kalut malam ini

petang tadi ibunda ku menelefon
ku fikirkan untuk menanyakan khabar semata-mata
kerana aku tahu
sekarang ini dia tengah resah
memikirkan anak daranya ini tidak pulang ke halaman di musim cuti
apakan daya bonda
kerja masih perlu diselesaikan di sini
aku sudah janjikan kesenangan untuk kamu dan ayahanda
aku sudah janjikan mahligai yang wujudnya dengan kenderaan sekali
aku sudah janjikan itu semua
aku tidak mahu janji-janji aku itu menjadi kata-kata semata
kerana itu janji aku pada orang-orang yang tidak mungkin aku dapat tukar ganti
dengan segala apa kesenangan dunia

*mengeluh*

kepala aku ligat memikirkan
tentang apa yang ibunda ku khabarkan
perihal perangai adik dan kakak ku
bukan untuk aku membuka pekung di dada
menceritakan fiil beradik ku
tetapi aku sebak
jiwa ku sesak
mahu dikatakan tidak berupaya untuk berfikir
mereka itu cukup akal untuk lihat secara waras
apatah lagi untuk fikir sejenak
salah dan benar
baik dan buruk

yang tua nya dikhabarkan mahu nikah
syukur aku ujarkan
tidak nampak apa celanya untuk menghalalkan
lantas aku tanyakan
apa yang dibingungkan
tuan empunya badan melenting
bila disuruh tangguh dahulu
paling-paling dalam setahun dua
agar ayahanda aku bisa bersara dengan aman
tidak kalut untuk menyelesaikan segala

yang mudanya tengah memberontak
hanya kerana dikhabarkan kepadanya yang dia harus ikut pindah
memberontak kerana sayangkan teman-teman yang sedia ada
protes kerana ayah bonda tidak faham kehendak segala
melabel ayah bonda selfish

*aarrrgggghhhh*

aku terpana seketika
jatuh jua air mata
mengenangkan
ayah bonda yang tidak bisa dicagar
ditukar ganti
dibeli

selama ini
aku sedar
mereka tidak pernah meminta apa dari anak-anak
hanya inginkan anak-anak berjaya dan senang-senang sahaja

aku juga bukan anak yang solehah begitu
banyak lagi kekurangan aku
pernah juga aku kecilkan hati mereka
bukan sekali
bahkan berkali
dan kerana itu aku sedar dan jaga dari kealpaan aku
betapa aku sesalkan perbuatan jahil aku dahulu
kiranya jalan hidup boleh di ctrl+alt+del
sudah lama aku buatkan

*mengeluh*

kerana aku sesalkan perihal aku
yang membuat aku kian sedih
kerana beradik ku belum upaya melihat segala itu
sesalan yang ditanggung untuk sekian lama

hanya kerana diminta ditangguhkan
hanya kerana diminta berpindah
sudah melenting segala
terguris hati ibunda

aku kalut
kerana aku diminta oleh ibunda
untuk memujuk dan bercakap secara rasional dengan mereka
untuk memujuk adik
bukan masalah
kerana aku kakak
tapi
memujuk kakak...
ego nya dibina seteguh tembok berlin

jiwa kacau
kerana aku tidak upaya untuk berada di sisi ibunda
untuk menceriakan keadaan
untuk membantu dari segi emosi

*merenung jauh*

-to forgive and forget-

forgiveness

one word
easy to pronounce
easy to talk about
but hard to accomplish

once hatred entrapped our soul
it's hard to remember that the word "forgive" exist in our vocabulary

i learned to forgive people
forgive those whom detest me
whom often execute punishment upon me even i pleaded "not guilty"
whom often try hard to find my slackness

it is hard at first
i always fight back
i always mock them back

then it hits me
why should i fight back?
why should i mock them?
it makes me a resemblance of the dog
that barks
and barks
and barks all along

it is rather tiring actually
to fight back
to make people see
and realize
that i am not what people say i am....negatively

i know where i stand
i know my limits
i know myself

and for that
i forgive those harsh words
i forgive those cruel judgments
i forgive those hard acts upon me

with wide open heart
and smile

it never hurt right?
to forgive and to forget

=)

-bajuku singkat dan sendat-

hampir tiap kali sebelum aku menaip
pasti jari aku dilarikan ke halaman dia
fynnjamal

sungguh tega aku rasakan bila menatap ruangan komentar
hanya kerana satu entrinya
menanyakan beberapa perkara
terus-terus dihukum
terus-terus dilabel pelbagai

apa kerana luarannya tidak bertudung begitu?
dia tidak layak untuk menanyakan beberapa perkara?
apa kerana akhlaknya yang kita sendiri sama sekali tidak boleh nilai
dia tidak boleh untuk memberikan barang satu dua pendapat?

haih~~~
manusia memang begitu bukan?

pergi jauh ke pelosok negeri mana pun
kita pasti dinilai dari segi luaran
kerana malangnya kita duduk dalam kelompok yang jumud pemikirannya
kelompok yang masih enggan keluar dari tampuk lama

teringat aku kata-kata ibunda aku
umat melayu kini bukan nya umat "katak di bawah tempurung"
tetapi umat "katak di dalam gelas kaca"
yang mana tahu dunia kian berubah
tapi tidak berbuat apa untuk perubahan itu
umat yang takut untuk menjadi lain dari yang lain
yang takut untuk keluar dari comfort zone

aku jadi kalut seketika
memikirkan analogi baru yang diilhamkan oleh ibunda ku
ada bernasnya
kerana ada kadang dan ketika
aku juga takut untuk keluar dari comfort zone aku
kerana satu ketika dulu
aku juga takut dilabel orang sebagai ekstremis
sebagai pemuja bangsa dan agama lain

jauh sekali tidak
apabila aku berpeluang melihat dunia luar
baru aku tahu
betapa ketinggalan nya pemikiran orang kita
betapa ceteknya pemikiran orang kita

apa ada pada rupa?
apa ada pada pakaian?
apa ada pada penampilan?
sebagai penguat dan aset tambahan barangkali

tetapi kenapa tidak boleh kita lihat
pada apa yang dikata
pada akal yang memikirkan
pada ilmu yang disandarkan?

aku bukannya lalang
yang bisa memberi angguk pada dia
tetapi kerana aku juga manusia yang kurang sempurna
tapi punya akal yang waras
untuk memahami apa yang dimaksudkan
untuk memahami apa yang disampaikan
bukan menyoalkan agama atau apa
kenapa itu tidak dapat mereka lihat?

manusia memang begitukan?

oh....
baju ku singkat dan sendat
aku lupa
aku tidak layak untuk membicarakan ini

*senyum*

-when there is marriage,there is divorce?!-

i wonder
what has become of our race today?

it has been one week
since i flipped the virtual papers
only to succumb to news
reporting artists are busy going up and down courts
filing up divorces

that is how the entertainment show biz goes aye?
*sigh*

this entry is not focusing on artists themselves
artists....well....
they have bits of difference on walk of life compared us the normal living people

but then
when there is marriage...
there is divorce...
*ponder*

it saddens me
how the media portrayed marriage lives so
there are wonderful ones out there
those that people do not know of
why must frighten others with such news?

i am frightened
a bit
but then i remembered
what the lady one mentioned in her blog
fynnjamal

she once stated
that either she do not know what lays ahead her marriage life
one whom is so loving and caring
could easily spare a space or two in his heart
but then
there is no need to fear to try
at least we have moments to cherish
things to live up for

it's true
we can never be sure what ever that awaits us
it's worth trying
it's a lot better than to become slave of our own fear

face life
that's why we live in the world
it's cruel
^_^

-when book is judged by its cover-

it's funny that most people will certainly and absolutely judge a book from its cover

a book that a hideous and cheap like cover
will automatically become everyone's hateful book
one that has thick,beautifully drawn graphics will somehow become everyone's favourite

typical
is it not?

that is how homo sapiens judge other homo sapiens
this one particular species is one proud species
whom love to assume and think that one is greater and superior compared to another

things are a lot worse when we talk about typical malays though
not blaming
not judging
because i am one true and proud malay

but i am the type that remember
to use my brain to think
i am the type that will simply
ease myself before i talk

that i learned from the hard way
it can never hurt if you back a step or two
before coming forth with steps equipped with sharp tongue and words

i often find myself run my fingers towards my inspiron's blog
fynnjamal
never met the lady
but her writings inspired me every way
most of her writings are agreeable
although some are arguable
but its her rights
her thoughts,her opinions,her point of views
if one like it...take it
if one hate it...leave it
simple rule

but one could never be satisfied without leaving "inspiring" comments
why must one judge others
by simply looking at their outer look?

looks doesn't mean anything
looks can ever be so deceiving
it's true that what matters is what one say

but what is more important
is that one has the brain,knowledge and faith before saying
despite of the deceiving looks

everyone will change
be it to the better or not
that...allow time to play its role

-lab work-

a last~~~~
my work finally starting to pick up its pace

i've been having worries about my work flow
having no idea how to actually execute the work
but as my lecturer said

it is deemed to fail at the first trial
first trial is to show how to get the work done and fail

that coming from the ones who asked me to assist the project
which happened to be my final project
and if i am going to fail all the way
how am i suppose to get a good grade at the end of the semester?

but still
no worries
i have no worries for the moment
i enjoy the busy lane
too many idle and free time makes me restless
so give me those headaches and all

TT

-applying stuffs-

which has been my activity throughout this semester

be it applying for my fabricated glasswares and chemicals
or applying for positions from my potential future employer

*sigh*
getting through my way into the final year has already got me into my nerves
thinking that i have to complete multiple tasks and projects
under minimal supervision and time-stricken condition
there are times that i lost my cool

but then of course
that is the goal of being a final year student

one must learn to strive through the hard times
balance emotions
maintain stability and state of mind of course
capable to become that hundred-hands-goddess
get the job done and still have the time for retail therapy

despite all that chaos
i seemed to enjoy it
i love being in the fast lane
struggling in the rat race world
being teleport here and there in a blink of an eye

it gives me this rush of adrenaline
it excites me
suddenly it became my cocaine
and i am so addicted to it

although it's tiring and really sucked half of the energy in me
i am still enjoying it
and i am going to until i have no more energy for the junkies

it gave me fears and shivers at the beginning
but towards the process
it is enjoyable

-someone by the window-

i'm pissed
not that people did something revolting towards me
its just that i'm pissed

i know that those who are around me
love me
care for me
and look after me
but still
i am pissed!

i may not be that angelic kind of lady
and i am not that devil-ish either
but i still have my common senses

i may have been that kind of social person
who loves to mingle around my deary
and cuddles
those acts that they watched and see unwillingly
had driven them mad
and revolting

i know it is inappropriate for me to do so
but the hot blood of teen that flows inside me
is kinda hard to reside
because what?
i am not that angelic
not that i don't want to become one
and change to become one
it's because i don't want to change abruptly for the sake of other people
i refused to do so to please community
i refused to do so to stop people peeking out of the window

whence my mom know how her rebellious daughter is
she let me go with the flow
which seems to work
because she knew that her daughter do not listen to advices
because she knew that hew daughter is a rebel
when she let her off
she'll come back to the right place

so this entry is dedicated to those who love to lurk out of the window
reminding me that Someone is by the window (which is obvious to me,and i know that without been told to)
it's not like i oppose advices
i welcome them
i welcome critics as well
i welcome thoughtful thought,opinion and point of views
but i welcome not "soft-so-called-bits-of-thoughtful-stories-that-have-moral-of-the-story"
to be my reminder
i oppose the idea of advising me to become a better person
because i rebel
i mock those who shot the words towards me

i mock people back
don't try my limits
i am not a faker
when i happen to dislike things and person
and i am unable to tell
i'll show

i am sorry that i am no pleaser

-industrial visits-

it has been a great weekend getaway
although i did not disappear for a real and actual holiday
it has been a nice getaway

the trip took me and the whole class days and 4 nights off studies
which is marvelous!

1st night:
spent the night in the bus
i sang and chatted with my deary all the way
that is because i could not get a wink of sleep

1st morning:
arrived way too early in Malacca
spent the morning in the bus, surau, towers etc....scattered all around

1st visit:
to the melaka biotechnology institute
a total biology required field
amusing and interesting
but too tired to feel ecstatic all the way

1st evening:
slept all the way to our place of stay
were told days before not to expect much
and i understood why when we arrived
a huge and large area of apartments
that looks rather creepy and deserted
T_T

1st night:
the apartments were creepy enough
later that night the driver took us to a rather deserted beach
which he told us the best in PD!
>_<

all these had forced me to come up with one conclusion
1st impressions are damn depressing
i really hoped the rest of the so-called-getaway will took a huge turn
that will be told later

darn headache
i need a dark place to rest
migraine came without warning
couldn't type no more since the monitor is way too bright

-the cat and i-

i was walking to seek for a relief for a moment just a while back
i walked past this one rather empty and quiet block

then suddenly
i heard this rather distress sound
i looked and i searched

then i finally spotted it

it was a cat
a tiger-ish cat like
one that i called tabby

he was sitting on the window of the bathroom
...on the first floor

at first
i thought the cat was there and meow-ing for his own amusement
but then it sounds rather desperate
as if he was trying to tell me something

i was just going to ignore the cat
but since i am such a cat lover
i could not resist but to investigate why is the cat making such a distress sound

then i gather all my courage i have at the moment (the block is really quiet,empty and kinda creepy you see)
i walked up to the first floor
and it stunned me how empty the floor is!

i was about to turned around but the cat softened me
darn~~~

then i had to passed all the empty doors,quiet floor all the way to the bathroom

*eureka*

no wonder tabby been desperately meow-ing for me!

the poor cat was locked inside the bathroom
*shaking my head*

i went inside,took the cat and walked rather fast past the rooms
and down the stairs
almost stepped into another cat's tail at the exit

after spending some moments with tabby
and left him with word of advice
of not entering bathrooms again
i headed back to my room

*grin*
man....somehow it felt good
i saved the cat from being a victim of a locked out
imagine what will happen to him if i just ignored him?
spending a month in the bathroom with no aid?

it felt good
it really is
felt relieved

-from the eye of a woman-

stumbled upon an entry by a friend a while back
he put up an interesting topic about man and woman
how woman are stepping in closer into man's world in terms of professionalism

interesting to read from a guy's point of view

it is true that we ain't living the 1940s or 50s
but it is the new era
where everything is possible

an era where we witnessed how a man from once abandoned and left out race became the most powerful man in the world

he put up a question
he questioned whether is it seems right for a woman to ask for a date from a man?

i am quite outspoken one
and typical but not too typical malay ladies

for me it was never an issue for a lady to ask for a date from a man
it happened way back before to our own prophet, Muhammad S.A.W

it ain't wrong actually
not all men out there have the courage to come to a lady and ask them

if you happened to like and head over heels for someone
why don't give it a try
be it a man or a lady
you never know what the response will be

you see
it has become more challenging for women nowadays to look for a lifetime partner
men won't set their eyes on really educated women
men won't set their eyes on well positioned women
men won't set their eyes on career women

being women is already a challenge
now we are to challenge with each other to look for lifetime partner
not that we sound desperately to settle in
but if all of the career women out there just sit and merely wait for the right man to come
it will take another lifetime

that is why it is no longer surprising for women to start the move

of course
in our very typical and narrow minded community
it will take time to really adjust,adapt and digest the new concept and idea
*ponder*

-red devils-

the english premier league season has been gone for quite long this time
and when it almost comes to the end of the season, i finally reviewed some of the games back

the red devils was superb beyond words last season
and as i expected
they won't shine as bright as last season
blame that on the double winning of both major leagues last season

of course i celebrated a lot when they won both leagues
but the euphoric sensation did not last long

why?

because it will pressure the devils way a lot than ever to maintain that same momentum
and i must say
most of the red devils' fans are not surprised when they are at fourth placing at the moment

but nevertheless
once a red devil fan will always be a red devil fan
despite all the critics and hateful comments from other fans

its the ups and downs in football rite?

everything that goes up have to come down once a while
it's like a wheel

but with ferguson's optimism in his team, the red devils never failed to surprise me
be it on losing and winning

it seems that
this season is the season for my 'blue lion' to smile throughout the season
*sigh*

-promoted-

my lair is extremely new
somehow i got a free promotion
by someone whom i least expected
*bow and smirk*

but i thank him
for doing so
a noble thought of you

i blog because it's my virtual lair
where expressions are surreal
where i can express myself freely

i blog because i need to find the sweet escape when the boredom sets in
if not...i might suffer severely

i blog because i may have bits and pieces of mind that it worthwhile to share

i blog because i am inspired by she who wrote beautiful words
she who wrote how real life sucks and hideous

and i am surprised that people read craps that i wrote
sure it feels good to know
but none of those beats the relief felt after all the typing

but again
thank you again to those who read, comment, promote and inspire me to blog...AGAIN

before things went ugly
forgive me for any harsh in the future
i ain't really a nice person
just happen to be outspoken....a tiny weeny bit

-extreme boredom-

that what's making me keep on adding new posts for (*think*) almost every two hour?

i mentioned this in my entries back in my lair before

i blog since i don't want to suffer from extreme boredom

and i am experiencing it now
*sigh*

i need entertainment

i need things to make me busy

and i was downloading games when my anti-virus detected them as threats
*tapping hard on my keyboard like a mad woman*

darn~~~

i am thrown again into the boredom pit

i want to criticize on matters that intrigue minds but had not stumble into a great topic as yet

now i have to apologize to the world since i am spreading the boredom virus

i don't seek for it

it haunts me

any antidote that somehow lift this thick air of boredom that evolve around me?

-siesta at the wrong time-

this is wrong

it should not be like this

i have two more papers awaiting

and look what am i doing

am i trying to jeopardize my papers or something?

somehow i am not in the mood to look at the notes, going through the calculations

where is that knock on the head?

-shoes addict-

on the very sunday yesterday...
the evil friend of mine somehow said the taboo word in the room

"Jom outing...Jom" >>said the evil one

"Jom" >> answered the partner in crime

"JOM!" >> said the angelic me in despair with no power to resist the evil powers

just that very simple word JOM had somehow teleported me and the other three half sane comrades to a shopping mall

that is of course after battling with all of the last moment dramas (eg: the rented car broke down even before it moved,desperate calls and messages to other car owners)

*note:thank you to the friend who kindly sacrificed his sleep just to help us out*

then...at the mall where all the magic happened

i treated myself into a very nice retail therapy that somehow depress my account so bad

by magic, clothes appeared in bags IN MY HANDS!

miracle! *grin*

but darn~~~

i did not buy new babies for my collection

i have this serious addiction towards shoes

SERIOUS addiction

and that evil friend of mine keep on showing off her newly bought shoes to me

oh well...i guess i have to wait right

patience is a point of virtue

i'll hunt for shoes some other day

for the time being, i need to allow my bank account to recover from the shock of yesterday's therapy

-the first entry-

on this very night-morning...
i finally own my own virtual space
though i loved it back in the friendster blog
but i really want to experience it here
if it does not fit me here
i shall back away back to my lair