1/31/2012

-i am sorry-

i am sorry...
truthfully sorry...
sorry for being the fool that i am...
sorry for letting go the glass ball that would never bounce back once i let it go...
sorry for breaking you so much...
sorry for not accepting the fact that you are not mine...
sorry for not being able to let you go...
sorry for being the idiot that keep on crying over the spilt milk...
sorry for having these feelings for you when i don't deserve and should not have...
sorry for asking you to forgive me when i do not deserve any chances and forgiveness...


i am sorry but i do not know whether i'll be able to really let go of you...



i am sorry that this song actually shook me even more...


12/22/2011

-2011-

It's the last weeks of 2011.
I had been planning to write down my 2012 resolutions for next year.
Though previous years, I couldn't care less about these resolutions.
For me, it was a bullshit because it was never being executed as it should be.
Then when I really think back...
The resolutions are no bullshit.
It's me, myself and I that's being ridiculous. That keeps on forgetting and neglecting things that I wanted to achieve and what I wanted to be in years ahead.
This time around, when I laid down my 2012 resolution, I really hope I could achieve and be one or two or three of them.
I do not want to live a sad, boring, meaningless life.
So here goes....

Bismillahhirahmannirrahim....

1) To write/publish at least 2 papers/journals
2) To get half of my theses done
3) To get 80% of my Master of Science done by October
4) Even better, convert to PhD by end of 2012
5) Be more frugal and more active in savings
6) Be a better daughter
7) Be a better believer, follower of Allah the Almighty
8) Be a lover, a wife, a companion? [for this, I need to really be free from 'blue lion' memories and such....thus, it will be on hold for now]

Those are what I want to be.
These are what I want to get.

1) A Lenovo laptop
2) Samsung Note
3) One rack full of shoes
4) Half a cabinet full of bags
5) A bar of 20g of gold

I am trying to keep it realistic.
I am realistic enough to know what are my own potentials and such.
With this, I am praying that I would be able to achieve/get some of these.

12/07/2011

-someone like you-

her words in the interview...
her lyrics in the song...
it choked me up because she said it beautifully...
she explained what i really felt few months back and now...
and God knows for how many months more...
will i be able to find someone like him?
or would i turn 40 and alone
and looked back into the relationship i've had with him?
him being with his beautiful wife and kids?
adele's words and lyrics sure slapped me to the bitter reality...
but i wish nothing but the best for you...
seriously nothing but the best.
a small favour...
don't forget me

11/16/2011

-may nothing but happiness come through your door-

sungguh....
itu doa aku...
buat kamu...
buat aku...


11/15/2011

-memories_1-

you know...
post-rock tunes and music are the closest thing i have,
are the most valuable memories i have.
these helped me to push through.
and i prayed really hard not to loose it.
because they are my reminders, my memories of you.

11/14/2011

-budi-

termakan budi lagi.
makin membuatkan hati aku merasa berat, merasa bersalah.
semalam aku terlihatkan seorang lelaki.
yang pada kali pertama aku toleh, serasa mahu gugur jantung.
sungguh aku rasa lemah kerana dia seperti jejaka itu.
yang wajah dan nama nya aku semat dalam hati.

tapi kerana budi.
aku telankan yang pahit untuk maniskan muka pada yang memberi.
betapa aku tidak mahu memberi harapan yang palsu.
apatah lagi pada yang benar mengharap.
paling tidak, tunggulah sehingga mampu aku lupa rasa hancur hati.

apa mungkin aku terus keseorangan?

10/27/2011

-take me somewhere nice-

my heart practically stopped beating minutes ago,
i thought i saw him.
but i just realized, it was my only wishful thinking.
just take me somewhere nice.